I want you to know that I cut pineapples like my mom does, because I watched her at the kitchen counter a zillion times. That my dad always has the same picture of me from about third grade hanging up on every workbench he's had since I can remember. I want you to know that I remember the first time I mowed the grass with a riding lawnmower and how important I felt doing it.
I want to tell you someday about bullying. How it felt for years being the one bullied. But how I still had a bunch of friends through it all. How one of those bullying boys grew up apologizing to me constantly when we were in college when I was welllll beyond caring or thinking about those days in middle school.
Lily...I especially want you to know that I'm so many ways I was just like you. I was always a busy girl--moving, goimg, asking questions, wiggling. The more I see you doing it, the more I realize I was just like you. But I was me. Lily, you are perfect. Perfectly 6. Perfectly made to be the only you there will ever be. And you will amaze us all. With all you will keep on doing in your lilybird way. I'm not super patient Lily. I don't do well waiting to "see how it turns out." But have not a single worry. You are turning out to be beautiful. Inside. And out. You tell funny stories and laugh often. And you're always reaching and grabbing and touching and tasting and experimenting. And always, always remembering and reminding me. You are sharp as a tack and that mind is a lockbox of memories, moments and stories. I don't know how you juggle all that up there...but keep it up. It's you. And remind me to be patient when I'm worrying.
Connor? Right now I wish I could tell you that it's ok to push and do things your own way. And you will. Someday sooner than we all think, you'll be doing awesome things on your own and in your own way all the time. But for now dear, let's just put our coat on when we're told, and try to just accept that the right shoe belongs on the right foot. Ok? That would be great. Ha. Limits are meant to be pushed. Just not my limits. Or your teacher's. I'm totally kidding. You're a kid. It's your job to figure out what you can get away with. But be mindful..all this comes back to you someday in the form of a tiny person or two with minds of their own. Payback. 😊. Don't lose your determination, your drive, your consciencous attitude for getting things done. Stay focused like you are. And yes, keep laughing at burps, silly things your sister tells you, and woody woodpecker.
Life is hard. It's always a thrill ride giving you turn after turn of surprise and excitement. The exciting may be scary. Or fun. Or crazy. Or beautiful. Maybe it'll be so hard that you feel like you can't catch your breath. You won't stop breathing. You will not stop putting one foot in front of the other. You may have to think about it a little sometimes but you will do it.
Tonight you aren't here in your beds sleeping. You aren't thinking about where I am or why I'm not in the next room. But I am loving you and missing you. More than I ever hope you ever have to experience. But if you ever do have to, you will live. You will keep breathing. You will put that right foot down and the. The left. Trust me. You are more capable, brave and strong than you expect or give yourself credit for.
Yesterday we ate pancakes and fresh strawberries for breakfast. We went to church and you both doodled in small notebooks, but you held hands for the Our Father and giggled while you "peaced" everyone all around..but mostly with each other. We all played together all day. We got snow pants on and romped around in the last of our winters snow. I made a chalk treasure map for you to follow. You reminded me that you were using your imaginations. You shared a happy and giggly bath. You gobbled up a healthy dinner and thanked me for making it for you. Each of you got a few minutes to snuggle with just me. Lily told me about her favorite parts of the day. Connor passed me his favorite animal to snuggle while I was in bed with him.
I would want you to know that right now I'm smiling writing this. I'm not sad. I'm proud. And I'm full of hope and excitement for your futures.
love this post. love all the "little things" to remember for those kids. it would be interesting to hear what LB and CAw have to remember about you!! i didn't think they liked pineapple...maybe they will remember how you washed or cut a different fruit or veg and you won't even know it until they mention it. :) you are strong. they are strong. and amazing. and lily is just like you....haha! love it all. RR
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